Cuntomers 101... ...

Today was my 1st day at work for Coca-Cola at the FairPrice outlet at Toa Payoh outlet... ...1st time i was exposed to the different customers of Singapore... ...Here is a short introduction to the various customers of our dear country... ...

Customers 101:

Customers are a species of Homo Sapien that roam are the land of Singapore... ...their land of origin range from the posh oasis of Orchard Road to the oulu (deserted in Malay...i think... ...)
wastelands of People's Park. As i was the 1st to discover this newly emerging species... ...i get to name them... ... I hereby officially dub them Homo Sapien Custimo!!! aka Customers... ...

1.The "browsers"... ...The browsers are the most common breed of customers...their most common form of activity is loitering around shopping districts, walking around aimlessly and looking for NOTHING in particular... ...When attempts were made to establish contact wif this specie wif simple words such as ,"May I help you?" and "Do you need any help?" the response given is usually ,"Jus browsing... ..." or "Jus looking... ..." or ... ...,"Jus browsing... ...". Judging from the limited amount of different responses given... ...i deduce that this particular branch of Homo Sapien is not too "intelligent"... ... so to speak... ...no no no... ...scratch that...they are pea-brained... ...

2.Kiasu Kia... ...this specie is quite common too... ...though not as common as the browsers... ...this specie base their choice of purchase solely on the free gifts given... ...if the objects purchased is not meant for themselves but is meant as a gift for others... ...their true nature will then be further exposed... ...they will not bother about the quality of the goods and only focus on the free gifts as they plan to keep those for themselves... ...[A lot of ppl decided to buy from Yeo's instead of coca-cola as they were giving away CNY(Chinese New Year...duh) trays and Pepsi shoe bags... ...*sighs*...*rolls eyes*...some ppl jus dunno how to recognize quality product...PPL...IF I AM SELLING SOMETHING...THAT IS QUALITY PRODUCT!!!] Another way to spot a Kiasu Kia is by the way it speaks... ...a Kiasu Kia normally say stuff like ,"Got discount?", "is it cheaper here?" ,"got link points?" and the ever popular "got free gift?"

3.Kiasi Kia... ...this breed is quite uncommon... ...they are afraid of everything... ...ranging from fears of the disability to carry too much shopping... ...fear of not having enough money wif them and lamest of all... ...scared the drink not nice... ...

4.The "Unreasonables"... ...they are wat they are called... unreasonable... there is no accurate method to describe this particular specie... i can only give an account of a run in i had wif one of them... ...

Unreasonable:"this one is it 3 1.5 liter bottles for $1.75?"

Me:(Siao Kia this one... ...3 bottles $1.75 we fucking earn wat?)"No sir,this is $1.75 per bottle... ..."

Unreasonable:"HUH?!Then y here put a picture of 3 bottles then write $1.75?"

Me:(Is this guy fucking kidding me?Got spastic till like that meh?)"Oh no sir...the picture is to show the three different types of drinks that is selling at the price of $1.75... ..."

Unreasonable:"Huuuuuuhhhhhh?Y lyke tat?CNY should giv offer waaattttt.................."

Me:(@&$$@^@#%#$@#$%!)"Haha... no lah sir... ...if sell u at this price our company wun be able to earn anything leh... ..."

Unreasonable:"AIYA...U all write lyke tat how ppl NNNOOOEEEEE?! Should change it laaaahhhhhh then easier to reeeeaaaadddd...right a nooootttttt?"

Me:(NAH BUEY CHEE BYE!!!KAN NIN NAH!!!MUTHA FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!!!)"Ya lah sir... ...is quite confusing... ...i will suggest to my boss to change the sign... ..."

Unreasonable:"Ya lah... good then quickly change ah!"

Me:(... ...)

Get the picture?(I'm not paid nearly enough to handle this kind of crap... ...I'm not even supposed to work loh... ...)

5.Blur Cock... ...those that do not know wat they are saying but say it loud and clear as if they are right... ...

An example... ...

Blur Cock:"How much is this bottle of 1.5 liter of Coke ah?"

Me:(...written there... ...)"That is $1.40 per bottle sir... ..."

Blur Cock:"But if buy two is $2.75 lah!"

Me:(huh?)"No lah sir... ...buy two bottles is $2.80... ..."

Blur Cock:"Huh...but got promotion waaaattttt... ...buy two bottles $2.75"

Me:(got such promotion meh?)"Huh?Sir... ...is there such a promotion?"

Blur Cock:"UR COMPANY PROMOTION U ASK ME AH?!"

Me:(... ...)"But sir... ...it is not written anywhere here that there is a such a promotion... ..."

Blur Cock:"U GO OUTSIDE SEE LAH!"

Me:(got meh?) *goes outside to take a look* (@#%@#^#^@!KNN!!!) *goes back in* *Deep Breath* *SMILE* "Sry sir... ...that particular promotion is for Pepsi... ...not Coca-Cola... ..."

Blur Cock:"... ..."

Me:"... ..."

Blur Cock:"... ..." *Walks away mumbling to self*

6.Speedster... ...they are called that as they treat the tent (the one where we sell the drinks on promotion) as a highway... ...For those who are mentally challenged...allow me to explain... ...Toa Payoh is a busy hub wif a lot of human traffic... ...as a result... ...walking through the streets of Toa Payoh can be like being stuck in a traffic jam... ...Our tent is a closed off area of the street where only ppl who intend to buy stuff enter... ...Thus... ...the inside of our tent is naturally less crowded then the outside... ...so there will be S.O.Bs that use our tent to gain a few meters ahead of the ppl in front of them... ...like a highway...get it?

7.Relatives... ...relatives get somewat excited when a young member of their family start work for the 1st time... ...today... ...three of my aunts visited my FOUR times... ...it was pretty embarrassing as ppl are soon able to recognize them because of their frequent visits... ...wat makes it worse is that they brought their dog... ...-_- and they forced me to pet it... ...(double -_-)... ...BUT...i forgive them... ...BECAUSE they bought a TRUCKLOAD of drinks that are under Coca-Cola AND because they gave me tip... ...FIFTY DOLLARS TIP!!!Ok ok...so it was not really a tip so much as jus squeezing a fifty dollar note into my hands and asking me to use it to "play and hav fun".Yup...I forgive them... ...:p

Luckily i did not meet the rumoured specie known as the OverBearers today... ...as in over bearing... ...cause if i do meet one of those... ...the second last liquidous substance that touches that guy's lips will be the coke from the coke can i will smash into his face... ...the last liquidous substance being the blood he coughs up after i am done wif him... ...then he will spend the rest of he life staring at the ceiling fan of the hospital while lying on the hospital bed clinging on to life wif a life support unit and salt water drip... ...

OK!!!So that concludes my report...Customers 101 (So it was not really 101...So sue me!!!).But wat i really hate about my job is not the customers i hav to deal wif but the fact that i hav become wat i hate... ...A badgering salesperson who is constantly asking ,"May I help you?" and looking over one's shoulder while they are shopping... ...Not to mention the fact that i hav to swallow my pride(which is HUMONGOUS btw and almost chocked me... ...it is thanks to my extra large mouth that i did not die of suffocation... ...) to constantly smile and speak nicely to customers... ...

p/s: Cant write the report about the DS Lite yet... ...Jia Wei haven lend me his digital camera... ...